The Cadillac Conundrum

GM has a problem that goes beyond product when it comes to Cadillac. The problem is that Cadillacs are sold in the same showrooms as Cobalts and HHRs. No, I'm not the first to bring up the point, and no, it's not some sort of revelation that this is a problem, yet I'm continually flabbergasted that such a sore thumb continues to be overlooked as Cadillac strives to become a legitimate luxury nameplate again.

Peter DeLorenzo, whose ravings can be found at Autoextremist noted last year that there were strong rumours about a possible mid-engined Corvette variant in the wings from Chevrolet. While the traditionalists immediately threw their hands up in the air and bemoaned the 'idiocy' of such a move, I would welcome it as it would allow GM to reconfigure their branding paradigm.

Imagine this world for a moment:

• Pontaic/Buck/GMC operating under one roof, with Pontiac offering RWD performance cars, Buick offering FWD near luxury cars, and GMC offering SUVs and trucks
• Chevrolet becoming a one brand dealership selling all of the mass market offerings, with an emphasis on economy and midsize cars, and with nothing costing more than 30k US if it's not an SUV or truck
• Saturn continuing as the redheaded stepchild
• A fully fleshed out Hummer lineup with competitors across the lineup to Jeep, from compact trucks to fullsize behemoths, all focused on offroading
• And finally, a combination Cadillac/Corvette dealership

The last point is the most important. GM nees to 'spin off' Corvette into its own brand. This is a perfect opportunity for them- with the regular Corvette, convertible, Z06 and ZR1, there are already 4 distinct models in the lineup. Add in a mid-engined variant, and you'd have the makings of something special. The upside to this is that GM could sell expensive cars next to expensive cars as well, giving a halo effect to both the Corvette and the Cadillac lineup.

Of course, in the real world, this will not happen. And Corvette buyers will continue to jostle for dealer attention with Aveo buyers, and Cadillac buyers will be subjected to Cobalt mentalities when trying to buy XLRs.

Such is life.

Maybach Hasn't Played Out As Expected

The recently renamed Daimler AG's ultra-expensive, ultra-luxurious division, Maybach, was launched with great fanfare in 2002 as a competitor to Rolls-Royce and Bentley. In the late 1990s, DaimlerChrysler decided to resurrect the prewar Maybach name for its new corporate flagships, the 57 and 62 (which refers to the length of the automobiles in decimeters).

Well, fast forward a few years, and the brand's cars have NOT been selling well in the US. The company sold 146 cars in 2006, 152 cars in 2005, 244 cars in 2004, 166 cars in 2003. So far in 2007, it has sold 80 cars through August 31, so that means that in the car's entire existence in the US, it has sold only 788 cars. It makes me feel even more "fortunate" to occasionally spot the one near where I work (I work near a wealthy area, but don't live in one), since I've been seeing it since 2003 or 2004. Contrasting these actual sales results were DaimlerChrysler's sales projections of 600 units per year. The dealer body was established based on the projection of 600 units annually, but Ernst Lieb, CEO of Mercedes-Benz USA said that 29 of the original 70 US dealers have given up their franchises. Daimler has negotiated compensation packages with the dealers, which - in at least one case - are about 25 cents on the dollar. That means that each dealer will get back about $125,000 of the approximate $500,000 upfront cost to set up a franchise.

So, what went wrong with the Maybach? They're certainly comfortable, with every imaginable luxury, including some unimaginable ones like an intercom system to allow vehicle occupants to speak with people outside of the car and rear seats in the 62 that can recline completely flat. The cars are powerful, with engines producing at least 550 horsepower. Well, my guess is that although people in the know can tell what a Maybach is, the cars have the misfortune of looking like unattractive Chinese knockoffs of Mercedes S-class sedans. When the Maybach made its debut, it looked more unique relative to the S-class, but with the introduction of the current W221 S-class sedan, it adopted some of the Maybach 57's more attractive styling features and is overall a much nicer looking automobile, and can be purchased for less than half the price of a Maybach.

Meanwhile, the guy who bought a Rolls-Royce Phantom (and there were 336 sold in 2006 and 382 sold in 2005 in the US - more than double the Maybach's sales), for better or worse, never sees himself, or a facsimile of himself, anywhere else in the automotive world.

Frankly, I'm surprised that Mercedes-Benz has bothered to keep pushing the Maybach line. Extremely low sales volumes probably don't make the car a profitable venture, and the fact that they continue to soldier on with the Maybach brand probably is some combination of German arrogance (the Volkswagen Phaeton is an excellent case study of that trait) and a lack of understanding of sunk costs ("we can't abandon Maybach after all of the money we've spent on it.")

Regardless of the reason, if I had more money than I knew what to do with, I would not be spending it on a Maybach. I'd probably go for a $186,000 S65 AMG (with basically the same engine that the Maybach has, wrapped in a more attractive body shell and what is still a really nice interior, and perhaps a Ferrari F430 - or even a $75,000 Corvette Z06 - as a sporty second car with the savings.

If I were Dieter Zetsche, I'd drop Maybach as a standalone brand, reach financial settlements with my remaining dealers, and introduce an ultra-luxurious derivative of the S-class and CL-class Mercedes-Benz cars called "Maybach" that captured the essence of the brand (high performance, ultimate luxury, and owner customization) without the need to support an extra brand.

Seeing These Things On Cars Makes My Blood Boil

Dealer decals are the scorn of beautiful cars everywhere. Got a nice Cadillac? Let's chintz it up by sticking 'Jim Bob Cadillac' on the rear bumper just so everyone knows that you're a Jim Bob kind of guy. Want to spice up the rear end of your Camry? John Doe Toyota/Lexus is more than happy to oblige with not so discrete vinyl adhesive flair for your vehicle. Feeling that your brand new Dodge just doesn't have enough masculinity to get you through the day? Here's a set of ram horns and a big pentastar from your good friends at Randomberg Chrysler/Dodge. And the list goes on and on and on.

A few dealers don't do this. I don't know whether this is done because they're smart or because the vinyl decals cost too much, and quite frankly, I don't care. What they do instead is install the license plate holder of doom. You've seen those too- license plate frames emblazoned with 'Anytown Nissan' across the back, ensuring that everyone will know you're-

a)from out of town
b)probably easy pickings for car thieves
c)probably packing a lot of valuables in your trunk

While less obnoxious than the vinyl decal for the simple reason that you don't have to do much work to remove them, the license plate frame is still an offender in the bad taste wars.

So why the hell do dealerships do this? Ostensibly, it's to increase awareness of their dealership, especially in larger cities where they may be competing against their own company. But is that a valid reason to deface a vehicle? Especially since you've already spent a lot of money with them in the first place? It reminds me of vehicles that have incessant badging INSIDE the vehicle, a common trait among many cars from the 80s, where it was apparently very hard to remember what vehicle you were currently driving. 'Honey, let's go take a look at those new Buick Regals right there... oh wait, we're ALREADY driving a Buick Regal! Thank God this fake chrome Regal badge was on the glovebox!'

Probably the biggest sin in all of this is that it's done on the down low- the dealer does it without asking. You've got to specifically ask them NOT to mark their territory, and even then, they push back. It's quite amazing to see in action- 'You DON'T want our sticker on your otherwise new vehicle? Why not?!?!?!'. Well for one, I don't want to look like your dealership courtesy shuttle. The mixture of amazement, puzzlement and just under the surface seething is hard to quantify, but it's there.

The Nicest Dealership You'll Ever See

Are you actually surprised that it's a Lexus? Lexus Bellevue to be exact. I'm officially a little bit depressed that their customer waiting lounge(s) have far nicer furniture than anything in my home. Not to mention multiple flat screen televisions. Oh, and a garage that I didn't even have the capacity to dream about until today. Did I mention the escalators? Or the hotel lobby thing? Just amazing.

Original link from The Car Lounge, with pictures from Car Domain (lots more pictures at the Car Domain link):