Mercury Introduces Upscale Trim Level, Names It So It Sounds Vaguely Like A Russian Mail Order Bride

Or at the very least, a guide association based in Vermont.

I mean seriously, VOGA? That's what they came up with? Why is it that the most stupid ideas are the ones that consistently get chosen or are successful (relatively speaking) in life? Case in point- the other day I'm watching an informercial advertising some sort of weight loss belt that apparently vibrates in order to disintegrate fat cells. Yes, you read that right. And the scary thing is, I'm sure the thing has buyers for it.

What does this have to do with VOGA? I have no idea.

Source: Detroit News

Even The Good Moves That Ford Makes Blow Up In Their Faces

Perhaps the salespeople are part of the problem. It seems that nearly twenty percent of Ford’s sales team is trying to sell Ford Five Hundreds to customers instead of the new-for-2008 Taurus. About 60 percent of Ford salespeople are using the correct name some of the time, but still slip in the Five Hundred moniker on occasion.

Source- Winding Road

One can sympathize with the dealers of course, since if you type 'Ford Taurus' into Google image search, you get about 1 picture of the 2008 Taurus for every 23417 pictures of the previous generation Tauri. I think the one major issue with the name change, which all in all I think was a great idea by Ford by the way, was that the refresh of the Taurus nee Five Hundred didn't go nearly far enough to differentiate the models. Yes, there's a slimmed down ass end, and the glitzy chrome front end- but only the legally blind won't look at the new Taurus and not see the Five Hundred with a grille kit. It's probably not helping that every Ford salesperson is probably referencing the Five Hundred in their sales pitch- 'It's just like the Five Hundred but BETTER'. You know, that sort of thing.

Someone needs to punch whoever came up with Five Hundred in the first place right in the balls. Then they need to undertake a more drastic reskinning of the Taurus to send the Five Hundred into the trashbin of history, and make it a rule that it's never to be discussed. Send current Five Hundred owners to Chevy to get their cars serviced.

Alan Mulally Is So Wise- He's Like A Miniature Buddha, Covered With Hair

The Freep had this to report from Ford boss Alan Mulally-

Ford Motor Co. Chief Executive Officer Alan Mulally created a stir in Traverse City on Wednesday among auto industry leaders and the news media by expressing interest in a 50-cent-per-gallon gasoline tax proposed a day earlier by U.S. Rep. John Dingell.

He then went on to make some vague comments about $9 gas in Europe as a way to let the customer decide on what vehicles they wanted.

All of this is amusing on a number of levels, because it's quite obvious as to what is going on here- Ford is playing a public relations game. Mulally didn't just shoot off randomly here- he is priming the pump so to speak. Exactly what benefit would $9 gas or increased gas taxes have for Ford? About the same as the increased CAFE regulations they and others such as GM are so vehemently again- zero, zilch, nil, nada. The domestic manufacturers, who coincidentally are the sheep bleating the loudest in regards to the proposed CAFE regulations, would be hurt massively by either upgraded CAFE standards OR greatly increased gas taxes.

None of them have any serious pipeline to small cars on the way, and all of them rely on big profit but relatively bad fuel economy trucks for their continued existence.

So how is this a PR move? Well for one, Ford comes out looking like roses by trying to solve the problem- they aren't just shrieking uncontrollably, they're providing options! Furthermore, if there's one thing that Mulally and Ford know, it's that taxes aren't something that the majority of the American electorate are fond of. So they'll tout gas taxes all day long, secure in the fact that the number of politicians who would support $9 gas is about the same as the number of politicians who want to lose their jobs next election. All the while, they can go to the press with the news that Ford is very concerned about the environment and gas consumption, but they did their part and offered up the idea of gas taxes, because CAFE is a horrible idea.

And no one will call their bullshit.

The truth of the matter is, Ford/GM/Chrysler are going to feel the pain either way because either CAFE or high gas taxes are essentially the same thing for them- they don't have the cars necessary for good fleet fuel economy in their pipeline right now to compete with the Toyonissondas of the world if CAFE comes in soon, and consumers would shun their profit drivers (trucks) if gas went up to $9 a gallon. They're screwed either way.

A more realistic and truthful way of doing things would be admit that their product lineups are tilted too far towards the wrong kind of vehicles, and announce a REAL move towards smaller more fuel efficient rides. And then follow through on it within 2 years. If they worked with the government on the subject of CAFE, there would no doubt be leeway given towards their cause, with a stepped regulation probably being the best thing. Instead, by kicking and screaming every step of the way, some of them end up looking petulant and ignorant, while others look condescending and untrustworthy.

Looks like Detroit is going to have to pick their poison.

The Emperor's New Clothes

Bear with me for a moment, and take a step into your childhood with this excerpt penned by Hans Christian Andersen:

All the people standing by and at the windows cheered and cried, "Oh, how splendid are the Emperor's new clothes. What a magnificent train! How well the clothes fit!" No one dared to admit that he couldn't see anything, for who would want it to be known that he was either stupid or unfit for his post?

None of the Emperor's clothes had ever met with such success.

But among the crowds a little child suddenly gasped out, "But he hasn't got anything on." And the people began to whisper to one another what the child had said. "He hasn't got anything on." "There's a little child saying he hasn't got anything on." Till everyone was saying, "But he hasn't got anything on." The Emperor himself had the uncomfortable feeling that what they were whispering was only too true. "But I will have to go through with the procession," he said to himself.

So he drew himself up and walked boldly on holding his head higher than before, and the courtiers held on to the train that wasn't there at all.

Keeping the above story in mind, I need to get something off my chest.

I don't buy into the hype about the Ford Flex.


It pains me to make that statement, because I really, really want to see Ford pull out of its tailspin and sell some awesome products that resonate with the US buying public. The Fusion has done pretty well in its early life, and the Edge appears to be pleasing its early customers, in spite of a need to diet and some lackluster magazine reviews.

Now Ford wants us to believe that the Flex will be the family hauler for the 21st century, the one that every father and mother has dreamed about as they retch at the thought of commuting in a traditional minivan, and all of the perceived social stigma that accompanies a minivan purchase.

I hope I'm wrong about this, but I think it looks a little too different from the norm. GM's new full-size crossovers (Enclave, Acadia, and Outlook) have similar dimensions to the Flex outside and inside (except height, where the GM vehicles are about five inches taller, apparently mostly in the ride height). The difference is, GM is trying to make their large crossovers look more or less like traditional SUVs, while Ford is trying to make theirs look different. The GM triplets hide some of their length by having a curved, arching roofline, while the Flex has one as flat as Kansas, and you can see every inch of the vehicle's length when viewing the profile. In fact, the orange body and white roof in the press photos make it look even lower and longer than it probably is. People who seem to like the Flex's style compare it to a Range Rover, which has famously squared off edges and a recognizable shape, but the profile and white roof remind many others (me among them) of a double-sized Mini Cooper. The Flex has an innovative interior and lots of space, but I can't get past the idea that it looks a little too much unlike anything else in its class. To me, it just seems too long and low, and I'm just not sure if minivan intenders (or minivan-phobes) are interested in something so different.

Ford has bet big before and hit grand slams (1986 Taurus/Sable, for example), so it's entirely possible they're right on the Flex as well. I'm not going to humor the emperor and say that it's anything but a boxy-shaped crossover, and not the second coming of the minivan. It's just not a great looking vehicle to me, and I'd be dishonest to say otherwise.

The Ford Fusion 'Challenge'

When is a comparison a sham?

When is a comparison a joke?

When does advertising blur the line between honesty and dishonesty?

I present to you the latest of the 'Bold Moves'- the Fusion ad campaign which you may have seen on TV lately. The Ford Fusion Challenge. No longer content with just touting the features of their own vehicles, Ford has pulled a page out of 1985 and has decided to do the 'head to head to head' thing in a number of commercials.

The vehicles in question? A Ford Fusion SEL AWD. A Honda Accord EX-V6. A Toyota Camry V6. Hum the song to yourself- one of these things just doesn't belong here, one of these things just isn't the same...

Yes, the AWD Fusion is priced comparably to the Accord and Camry V6 models- but pitting an AWD model against FWD models is dishonest, sneaky, and suggests that the FWD model just isn't up to the task.

The most hilarious part of all the spots is the post-ad selling screen- $0 down, 0% financing, $0 due at signing... all for $249 a month. Great deal huh? Oh wait, what's that in the small print- it's for a Ford Fusion SE I4. So if someone WAS moved enough by this dungpiece of a commercial to actually visit a Ford dealership to check out this deal, they'll be quickly smacked upside their face when they realize that the Fusion that won the 'comparison' isn't even the one being advertised in the ads.

Par for the course when it comes to advertising? Probably. But still a Bold Deception.